When my dog needs to poop, she goes in the woods leaving no evidence at all. Does your kid?

If I knock my cocktail over my dog will lap it up. And it's not abuse. Can you say the same about your kid?

My dog will sit on the couch and watch the Patriots game for three hours and not utter a peep. Will your kid?

My dog will happily eat whatever I feed her. Will your kid?

I can tie my dog up in the yard while I garden and not get arrested. Can you do that with your kid?

My dog doesn't cry. Does your kid?

Today I was walking Ruby around the block. Toward us came a woman pulling a crying little girl in a wagon. Not just crying, hysterical. Inconsolable. As they grew nearer fear gripped me. Then the unthinkable happened. The mother asked me if her daughter could pet my dog.

Ummm, No.

My dog can spend four days alone in the woods with creatures like this and come away unscathed. Can your kid?

My dog can spend 6 hours in here very happily with no one around. Can your kid?

This Is Ruby. She's better than your kid.

Tiny Human

Yesterday I was walking Ruby and Timmy or Tommy or whatever its name is, jumped out of the bushes right in front of us. He's about 3 or 4. He was naked except for tiny little Spiderman underwear. Couldn't weigh more than 40 lbs. He asked if he could pat my dog. Then he grabbed her leash and said in a little, bossy voice, "I'm going to walk her!" So I let him and yelled "hold on" and watched gleefully as Ruby dragged him around the street. I'm told road rash builds character. Then the mother darted out and ruined my fun.